I notice another disturbing new trend in customers' bad behavior: Forceful time prediction. I'm not sure where people are getting this from, but more and more people are doing it. They walk in and say, "I'd like to get (X), it should only take about (Y) minutes."
Now, there is a big difference between asking me and telling me. If someone says to me, "I'd like to get this bird. How long do you think that would take, about an hour?" There's nothing wrong with asking me, or even guessing and seeing if your suspicion was correct. Most people are hugely relieved when they ask me if their tattoo would take about two hours and I tell them it would only be about thirty minutes. But somehow, people now have it in their minds that they KNOW how long it will take, I obviously would not be the authority on that, and they must tell me how long it will take.
I had a guy come in last week and show me a name on his finger. "I wanna cover this up, it should take about twenty minutes," he stated matter-of-factly, his tone sounding much more like an order than anything. Then he asked, "What's the wait time?"
I have learned one thing as of late, and that is I can say absolutely anything I want to people, as long as I have a huge grin on my face. I replied to him, "Now, what makes you think you can come in here and tell me how long it takes to do my job? I'll be the judge of that!" Big grin, he grinned back and I quickly fantasized about taking a cheese grater to his face before proceeding.
What I have come to realize is that people tell us how long their tattoo takes, not because they're trying to be involved in the process, but because they assume that if their tattoo is not lengthy, they will not have to wait for it. This is where I would like to point out that there is no priority flag on anyone's tattoo. There is, for all intents and purposes, a line. And when you walk into a shop looking for a tattoo, you get in line. And it doesn't matter if your tattoo is a freckle and the three guys in front of you are each getting a half sleeve, you're in line behind them. You go to the back of the line and you wait your turn like a big kid. Your tattoo is forever and there is no need to expedite anything. This isn't your shitty office job where certain documents have a bright yellow stick-um thing on them that screams "DO IT YESTERDAY".
More and more people are coming in and saying that their tattoo will only take five minutes or ten minutes ot fifteen minutes or whatever, in the assumption that they will be magically swept to the head of the line and everyone else can go kick rocks. Each and every one of our customers is important to us, but everyone has to wait their turn. Let me also clue you into something: If there is a guy who wants a $400 tattoo that gets here here first, then you come in next with your $40 tattoo, I'm not going to piss off the guy with the $400 tattoo on your account. I make money doing what I do, and if I have to have someone stomp off in a huff because they can't wait, I'd rather lose the $40 tattoo than the $400 tattoo. That's just the way it is. I will get to you when I'm able to get to you. And I will do a wonderful job and we'll both be happy. But marching in here demanding that you go first because your tattoo takes less time isn't going to get you in the chair any faster. If anything, you'll be told to come back later or not at all.
I've had so many people pitch a fit and say again and again, "But mine's only going to take five minutes! I gotta wait two hours for a five-minute tattoo?" Well, riddle me this, Batman....If you're in line at Starbucks waiting on your triple mocha crappalappa latte light-a-ccino, does the guy who comes after you for a small black coffee get to go ahead of you? No? Why not? His coffee takes five seconds to pour. Yours has to be blended and poured and have all the syrups dumped in and a big foamy mountian of whipped cream heaped up on top, why can't he go first? His is only five seconds. Why should he have to wait three minutes for a five-second order? Because that's the way it works in the coffee place and the grocery store and the tattoo shop. That's the way it works in real life in gerneral. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But there's good news! There's a place for people who throw temper tantrums about having to wait in line, though, you'll fit right in. And they have a ball pit and pizza and giant singing anamatronic animals and if you get 3 million skee-ball tickets they'll give you a piece of candy and a stick-on tattoo.
