A suburban gangster walks in and asks, "Do you guys do quotes, or whatever?"
I answer, "Yeah, what are you looking for?"
He looks astonished at my stupidity and replies, "A quote?"
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A woman walks in and sets her handbag on the counter. She looks at the stacks of business cards on the counter, the flash racks off to the side, and the photos of work we've done. She then says to me, "I hear you guys do tattoos here?"
"That's the rumor, ma'am," I said.
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"Am I gonna bleed?" A panicked young girl asked before I pierced her navel. Trying to calm her and make her laugh, I replied, "No, but birds might fly out of there."
She thought for a second and asked, "What kind of birds?"
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"What does he do here?" someone asked me, gesturing towards our shop apprentice.
"He's the bitch," I told him. "He does all the shit work for us."
"So he doesn't do tattoos?"
"He's never even held a machine in his hands before."
The guy thinks that over for a second. "If he does my tattoo, can I get a discount?"
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CLASSIC: I'm going to pierce a customer, with the needle in my hand. They jerk away, look at the needle and say, "You use a NEEDLE?" Mind you, I'm not doing their earlobes, I'm usually doing a tongue, navel. eyebrow, something that would not go well if I used a piercing gun. If I had a dollar for every time that one happened, I could retire.
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YOUNG MOM WITH HER TODDLER SON IN HER ARMS: "Can I hold him while you tattoo me?"
ME: "No."
YMWHTSIHA: "Why not?"
Does that even warrant an explanation?
