HE: I took out my nose ring and it closed up. Is there any way you could, like, put the needle back through it?
ME: Yeah, sure, we can repierce it for you.
HE: Well, I don't have the money for that today, I mean can you just put the needle through it.
ME: That would be piercing.
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NAMES I HAVE HEARD FOR THE TRAGUS (That's this, in case ya don't know): Tacheus, Trachea, Targus, Togus, Trag (rhymes with 'Drag') Brachius, Teargus, Tracheal, Trickle and, my favorite, Tornacheus.
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I have had this conversation so many times it's hardly worth mentioning:
OBVIOUSLY TOO YOUNG PERSON ON THE PHONE: How old do you have to be to get a tattoo?
ME: Eighteen with a picture ID, it's the state law, no exceptions.
OTYPOTP: What if I bring my mom?
ME: No excpetions.
OTYPOTP: So not if I have a parent with me?
ME: No exceptions.
This conversation usually breaks down into any combination of the following: "Well, my friend got tattoed at [name of shop] and he/she's only 17 and he/she brought his/her mom." "Well, I heard [name of state] does it." "Well, if I can't being my mom, how about my dad?" "What if I bring a note? (REALLY? A fucking NOTE?)" "Well, I have a tattoo, my brother's friend did it in his garage." The answer, children, is NO EXCEPTIONS.
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LITTLE OLD LADY (watching her daughter get a tattoo): I have a tattoo, you wanna see it?
ME: Sure!
LOL: It's a mouse. (hikers her pants down over one side of her hip) You see it?
ME: No, I don't see anything.
LOL: Oh, it must be on the other side. (hikes her pants down over the other hip) See?
ME: No, I don't see anything!
LOL: Really? It's not there? (hikers her pants back up) My pussy musta ate it!
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