I can assure you, this will be one in a long series of installments.
Now, granted, I know that people who haven't had a tattoo or piercing before are apt to be nervous, and perhaps ask a lot of questions about the process. I do my best to walk them through the whole thing so they know what's going to happen, and what they can expect. But really, some of the questions I get...I don't know if they're borne of total panic, or abject stupidity. Allow me to elaborate...
SHE: "So, is this, like, actually going to penetrate my skin?" Now, I was under the assumption that we all know by now that tattoos are done with needles and they last forever. So, I would also assume that one knows that those needles do actually penetrate the skin, and that is how the tattoo gets in there, and stays there. Unless, of couse there are still some out there that figure we use magic paintbrushes and permanent paint that will stay on until death and beyond.
HE: "So, if I wash this tomorrow, it's not gonna come off, right?" See the above, Sparky.
EVERYONE: "Is this gonna hurt?" Again, see question one. Not that getting a tattoo is the worst thing that can happen to you, but it's not entirely pleasant, either. Unless, of course, you are a huge masochist, in which case it will be an orgasmic delight. But for the other 99% of us, yeah, it hurts.
LOTS OF PEOPLE: "Where should I put it?" And they don't mean 'an inch higher or lower?' They mean, 'On my arm, leg, back, or what?' People, please. Don't ask me to tell you where to put it, because the conversation always goes this way: THEY:"Where should I put it?" ME:"I'd say right on your forearm." THEY:"Well, I have to hide it for work." ME:"Well, put it up here, on your bicep, a short sleeve will still cover it." THEY:"Yeah, but...I really don't want anyone to see it, it's just for me. How about on my back?" ME:(sighing)"Well, if it's just for you, why are you putting it in a spot where you can't see it? THEY:(no longer even paying attention to me)"Well, if it's on my back, and I go to the beach, people might still see it..." ME:(inside my head)"If you're so fucking embarassed to have a tattoo, why are you even getting one?"
Here's a great one from the other night; A couple came in a few weeks ago, I tattooed her, and they came back two nights ago for his turn. She was fretting and fussing over him as if I were about to perform open-heart surgery on him. Then she turned to me and asked in the most mewly, whiny, scared-mom voice ever, "Is it going to hurt him more than it hurt me?" ...Now, give me a few minutes to wrap my head around that one....How in the Sam Hill am I supposed to answer that? It's all subjective! Yours was behind your ear, his is on the arm. So you're not even talking about the same spot. Now, yours was a teeny star and his is a big tribal. So we're not even talking about the same timeframe. And you are you and he is him, and the two of you may have different pain thresholds entirely. And the only way I could possibly know who is in more pain is to actually inhabit your bodies while you're getting the tattoos (so who would be in mine, I wonder?) and then later compare the two. Now, I'm pretty awesome, but I'm not that awesome.
Here's a little gem that's not actually related to getting a tattoo: SHE: (calling the shop on the phone) "What are your hours?" ME: "From blah 'til blah, seven days a week". SHE: "Even on Sundays?" Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but there are only seven days in a week. So if I said seven days a week, that would include Sunday, correct? And, I believe, of those seven days, we all know that one of them is, in fact, named "Sunday", correct? And I have been asked that question over the phone more than once. Scary.
I could go on and on, but that might make this the longest blog in history and I don't want to type myself to death tonight. I'll save the rest for later days. The only thing that bothers me is, as fast as I can write about the old ones, I get three or four new ones. This could take a while.
