I never cease to be appalled at the lack of hygeine practiced by the average citizen. The girl with calloused, gnarled, smelly feet who wants a dainty daisy on her toe....The dude whose front teeth have rotted out, leaving jagged black stumps, and he wants his tongue pierced. With gold, natch. Tonight, however, I was treated to a horrifying low in hygenic inattention.
A yuppie-ish group meandered in, slightly tipsy but otherwise well behaved. I was given the sole woman of the clutch, who was getting a small tattoo on her butt. She asked to use the washroom beforehand and I sent her back. Then I proceeded to wait for what seemed like and unusually long time. When she came back, I herded her back to my room where she dropped trou. "You're not going to get anything on my pants, are you?" she asked, pulling them down way further than was necessary.
"No, no, you're fine, they don't have to come down that far, really," I replied weakly as that big jelly ass flopped out and hung down the back of her legs. Unfortunately, she ignored me, and straddled over the chair so I could get to work.
I kid you not, the stench wafting from her ass crack made me gag. Oh, swell, she was back in the can burning a mule and now I have to hang out with her ass for the next five minutes, I thought grimly. Well, thank God it's a small design.
Every time I'd lean away to get more ink and then come close to work, the smell hit me like a haymaker. When I was done, I leaned back in relief and took a deep breath of non-ass air. She got up to look in the mirror and admired my work, and I quickly bandaged her up and got her out of the room. I grabbed the can of spray disinfectant and went to blast the chair. And there, where that bare, smelly ass crack of hers had squashed on my chair, was a two-inch long shit streak. And not just a little skid mark, either, this thing had a freakin' dorsal fin on it. If I hadn't been working on an empty stomach, I might have lost my lunch all over the floor.
Seriously, people. you brush your teeth before you go see the dentist. Wash your ass crack before you see your tattoo artist.
